Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
