just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
