i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
