Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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