Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
