ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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