Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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