I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
