You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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