Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
