Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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