i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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