What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
