You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
