I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
