four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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