I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
