Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
