She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
