i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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