so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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