from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
