dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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