I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
