you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
