I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
