6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
