Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
