he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
