Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you had me at cake vodka
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
