it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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