OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
