How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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