I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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