can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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