so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
