i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
