worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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