I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
