I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
