i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
