i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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