i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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