I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
