I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
