...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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