Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
