So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
