Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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