i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
