my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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