maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
