Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
