My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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