If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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