there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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