I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
