It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
