worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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