Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
