I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
