I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
