Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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