Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
