Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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