Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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