Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
