We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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