I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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