you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
