I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
