He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
