first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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