Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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