when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
