i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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