You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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