i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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