I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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