Farmville is her only friend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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