my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You made out with two different species that night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
